The pain of betrayal

I woke up this morning and immediately began reflecting (don't ask me why!?) on the pain I had been caused by my break up with my ex, obviously there is still some residual unhealed scar tissue there. I asked myself the question if I could turn back time and live the last four years again would I have done it differently, would I have avoided the pain of the heartbreak and never gone out with my ex. My initial answer was yes! Then I put my realist hat on and told myself to get over it as I couldn't change the past. I encouraged myself by convincing myself to look to the future and embrace the present. Then (I believe led by the Holy Spirit) I wondered what lesson God may have had for me in allowing the break up to happen. The Bible says "God acts for the good of all those who love Him" Romans 8:28. So I stood upon the Word of God and said in faith what was your purpose O Lord? Then I suddenly thought back to the night of Jesus' arrest. Jesus was betrayed and rejected by all 12 of his disciples on that fateful night!

I started to imagine the pain Jesus must have felt as one by one the people whom he was closest to in his life: the men he had taught and guided for three years, whom were his best friends, his adopted family even, betrayed him. Some betrayed him out of hate and scorn, some out of fear but all deserted him in his hour of need. I picked up my Bible and re-read Matthew 26. As Jesus ate and broke bread with his disciples at the last supper he knew he would soon be betrayed; he knew the falsehood and duplicity of Judas and he knew despite all of Peter's good intentions the weakness of his courage. As I read through the verses again I could feel Jesus' pain. After the supper he went into the Garden of Gethsemane to pray where he asked some of his disiciples to join him because he was filled with sadness and anguish (Matt 26:38). Jesus admitted to his followers how he was feeling and yet they could not even stay by his side to comfort and console him. So he prayed alone, with his disiciples asleep. Later Jesus was then arrested by an angry mob led by Judas. The sign of Judas' betrayal the perversion of something that should have been a pure act of love and fellowship: a kiss. How it must have broke Jesus' heart to see one whom he had trusted, confided in and whom had witnessed his many miracles betray him so callously.

As I meditated upon these passages of Scripture my own pain helped me to empathise with Jesus in a new way, I had a much more profound insight into the anguish of my Saviour on the darkest night of his life. Jesus' words began to cut my heart as he must have reasoned in disappointment and disillusionment: "Am I leading a rebellion that you have come out with clubs and swords to capture me? Everyday I sat in the temple courts teaching and you did not arrest me." (Matt 26:55) Jesus was arrested like a criminal by one knowing full well his innocence. I then began to realise that had I never experienced pain and heartbreak I would not fully know, or never be able to truly appreciate what happiness and comfort is. As a follower of Christ I believe in a suffering Saviour. My own pain and emotional turmoil can help me to understand how Jesus felt; to relate and empathise and in a new way know Him more intimately than before.

As Easter approaches and we turn our minds and hearts to Jesus' ultimate sacrifice, by giving up his life on the cross let us remember Jesus the man, whom was left alone in his hour of grief and need. How lonely Jesus must have felt, without anyone beside him. Jesus suffered both physically at the hands of the Romans in his torture and execution, but also emotionally at the hands of his fellow Jews for our sake: for our salvation. The Son of God, blameless, righteous, holy and without sin. Jesus using his free will, in love, went to the cross. I thank God that this Easter I will be able to relate to the passion with more empathy and greater appreciation for what Jesus has done to redeem me.