Struggles, humility and victory!!!

This last week has been quite hard for me. As a part of a new initiative at my school, all teachers graded Satisfactory in their last APR (annual, professional review) will undergo a 12 week programme of observations and guidance in order to become good to outstanding teachers. When I was told I was now on this programme and that my Head of Department would be setting me targets to meet I felt gutted. For the last two years I have trained to become and qualified as a professional teacher. These last two years have been some of the toughest in my life. They have been a period of transition, set backs, recoveries and (very steep) learning curves. But last July I thought I had fully qualified and the days of 'mentoring' were behind me. Alas I was mistaken. And so I left that initial meeting feeling despondant, frustrated and quitely frankly unworthy of being a teacher.

But God has been doing something wonderful through this experience. As I reached out to Him for guidance and strength, as I chose to worship Him despite my feelings, God has been speaking to me: speaking to me about humility, speaking to me about faith and speaking to me about testimony! As I prepared to go into work one morning Jesus' teaching about worrying came to mind. I can only describe it as an epiphany, for at that precise moment I felt the weight of pressure, expectation and fear lift from me. Jesus taught:

"Do not worry about what tomorrow will bring, for each day has enough trouble of its own."

I was instantly uplifted and yet challenged. Was I living by faith through this experience? Where did my hope and strength come from? Last Sunday morning the speaker spoke of 'practical atheism', when believers deny God by their actions. It is one thing to say I am a Christian, but another entirely to live by faith and not by sight; to maintain an integrity of faith even in the hard times. I am in no doubt whatsoever that these next 12 weeks will be hard, trying and pressured. However, through faith I will have the victory. Through faith in the Most High who created the heavens and the stars in the night sky; who created all life on earth and brought salvation to humanity through the crucifixion and resurrection of our blessed Lord Jesus Christ, I will prevail stronger, a better teacher and with a deeper relationship with my God. What a powerful testimony this will bring.

I was also struck as I meditated on the Word of God by the humility Jesus showed as he went to the Cross. Jesus was falsely accused by the Jewish religious authorities, was abandoned by his disciples, even betrayed by one of them! Jesus was mocked and scorned by the Roman guards and crucified by an incensed crowd full of blood lust and anger. Yet despite suffering such public disgrace, torture and humiliation he remained humble, never wavering from His obedience and faith in the Father's Will. As Jesus was nailed to the cross He was even able to pray:

"Father forgive them, for they do not understand what they are doing."

I had certainly not responded to my current circumstances with humility. And I certainly had not lived out Jesus' teaching about forgiveness and love. So I began to pray for my classes that have caused me so many problems and stress this past term. I prayed as the Bible teaches us to, to pray for those who persecute us and to love our enemies. I know I must grow in humility. I know I must live out my faith with integrity, and I know that ultimately it is in times of testing and struggle that our true faith is revealed. But more than this, it is in these times that God can refine our faith by His Holy fire and purify us. It is one thing to know, intellectually, the teachings of the Bible, but a completely different thing to apply them to one's life. It is one thing to memorise the Bible, but another entirely to let it shape our lives, produce in us good fruit of patience, love, kindness, humility, meekness and integrity.

As I continued to read of Jesus' crucifixion it occurred to me that Jesus is still being mocked, rejected and crucified by our society today. Overtly aggressive atheists such as Richard Dawkins wants all religion to be eradicated from the face of the earth, from peoples' psyche both personal and collective. The media and television ridicule Jesus still, with freedom of the press and freedom of speech being exploited to put down Christianity. And people still falsely accuse Jesus of being someone He is not.

Jesus was crucified along with two criminals. One continued to mock Jesus, whilst the other rebuked him and pleaded with Jesus to forgive him. In this age of godlessness, where no one fears God anymore, I believe the Church needs to be like that second criminal speaking out to defend Jesus for who He truly is; not a criminal, but an innocent man; not a danger to society but it's saviour. Interestingly once Jesus had died and hung there lifeless on the cross the people there knew what they had done and went home mourning. One day, when Jesus returns, this society will realise the injustice of their actions and mourn, only it will be too late then! This society needs revival, it needs repentence.

As for me, before Jesus died he cried:

"Father into your hands I commit my spirit."

The Bible teaches us to take up our cross and follow Jesus. Therefore I will make a point of praying every day that I would commit my spirit into God's hands, take up my cross and follow Jesus, not conforming to the pattern of this world.

Remembrance Sunday

Last Thursday was Armistice Day, when we here in Britain remember the soldiers who lost their lives in WWI. Today was Remembrance Sunday when collectively we pay tribute to the soldiers of both world wars. They are solomn occassions. At work, as a history teacher, we raise the issue of whether it is right to remember; or whether, after 90 years, it is time to leave the past behind? For many these times of remembrance are important and the cost of our freedom should never be forgotten. Slogans such as 'Freedom is not free' reverberate as poignant soundbites that bear witness to the hugely tragic cost in human lives and of lost generations of young men.

It is right that we remember the 'Glorious Dead' as is written on the Cenotaph in London. But it is also right that we remember as a society the cost of our spiritual redemption as well. For 2000 years ago, one man from Nazareth, was crucified under Roman orders, just outside of Jerusalem. What made this execution different to the others was the fact that this man, called Jesus, died for the sake of humanity: a human sacrifice, echoing the symbolism of the sacrificial lamb slaughtered in the Temple courts by the Levitical Priests of ancient Israel. For Jesus offered up his life so that we could be forgiven our sins and tresspasses by God. For the Bible teaches that there are only two conditions in life: in slavery to sin or slavery to righteousness. Jesus bought our spiritual redemption and freedom by dying on the Cross. His ultimate sacrifice was the price of our freedom: freedom the Bible teaches us is what God has designed for us. Freedom from judgement; freedom from condemnation and freedom from guilt.

The cost of our political freedom was terribly great. Millions dead, but not in vain, for the fact that the Allied forces won the war and we continue to remember and pay our respect to their deaths. In remembering their lives and the price of our freedom it reminds me that life is still seen as sacred to our society. One life, the most sacred of all, was the cost of salvation. A life that was human, yet divine; a life that personified love. Yet rather than remember Jesus as another of the Glorious Dead, we also remember that He was raised again: resurrected and elevated to the right hand of the throne of God, reunited in glory with the Heavenly Father. This same Jesus that was crucified and resurrected is the same Jesus that is the same yesturday, today and forever. Jesus' sacrifice was a once for all, ultimate sacrifice. His sacrifice is as powerful to save lives as it has been for 2000 years. Believe.

In pursuit of knowing God

A few months ago I posted a blog about the purpose of humanity in which I concluded that knowing God was the ultimate purpose in life and that connecting with this God brings ultimate meaning to our lives. Recently I have been reading a very erudite and concise little book called 'Think God Think Science' subtitled 'conversations on life, the universe, and faith' with Ernest Lucas, Vice-Principal and Tutor of Biblical studies Bristol Baptist College. So far the book has made some very interesting points, ones which I thought were very profound in my understanding of and relationship with God. I said in my previous blog that I hoped this endeavour to know our Creator God would progress and evolve into a more rounded and fully fleshed world view and I believe this book has helped me to do so.

One of the first points that struck me in the debate between Religion and Science was Ernest Lucas' response to Richard Dawkins' criticism of Religion producing a 'poky little medieval view of the universe'. Lucas suggests that what Dawkins describes is not the byproduct of religious skepticism towards Science as a source of truth but rather a trend brought about by our era of post-modernism and an emphasis on individualism and 'self-truth'. While I have been very familiar with post-modernism as a philosophical worldview; I had never thought about it's impact upon our society in creating such an insular, individualistic culture. There has been a shift towards the importance placed upon material gain and accumulation in our Western culture - a result, in part, of the greater emphasis placed upon our individualism by post-modernism. Therefore to discredit Christianity or Religion in general as being 'against' Science is unfair and tarnishes Religion specifically for what is a much broader problem created by certain philosophical leanings of society.

Secondly, the book covers the issue of cosmology and how our understanding of our place within the universe has changed since Ancient times. Our ancestors believed that the earth was the centre of the universe and that the universe revolved around us and not vice versa. Since our more recent scientific discoveries brought about through the scientific revolution of the 17th and 18th centuries by such men as Newton and Copernicus our understanding and perception of the significance of our planet and in deed the human race has changed. Therefore, do our lives hold any meaning and do they carry significance? Lucas' response to this question struck me as very profound. If, as the Bible says, God is a God of love then what he creates, he creates out of love and so has a deep love for what he has created, no matter how small they may appear in the grander picture of the universe. He draws upon the analogy of a parent, holding their new born baby in their arms for the first time. The baby in itself is small and has done nothing of significance in the world, but those parents love that baby unconditionally and completely. Size is not the benchmark for significance. God as our Heavenly Father loves us so deeply and so profoundly not because we are big physically, or because earth is the focal point of the universe, but just because he made us and because he is love. No one is insignificant to God. That is amazing.

The other point the book has made thus far, which I have found particularly captivating and intriguing, especially to my pursuit and understanding of a relationship with God bringing ultimate meaning to our lives is the concept of certain human abilities that transcend the basic need for surival. In the chapter about evolution and whether or not humanity has been made in the image of God, Lucas speaks of certain abilities that he sees as proof that we have been made in God's image, or at least what he understands by being made in God's image. Examples included higher mathmatics, fine art, music and an aesthetical appreciation for beauty. These qualities in us go beyond a Darwinian understanding and application of survival of the fittest. While basic maths and arithmatic is important for survival, post-graduate and higher level maths, the likes of which Einstein applied go far beyond any naturalistic requirement for survival. Likewise the complexity of our music goes far beyond the mating calls and primitive music that animals are able to produce in order to attract mates or warn of approaching predators. Lucas was not arguing that evolution is incorrect or untrue, rather that a theistic understanding of evolution is more satisfactory than an atheistic one.

This has massive implications for our lives: our societies and cultures speak of a Creator God - our ability to produce and have an appreciation for fine art, music and literature implies that we have been made in our Creator's image. Practically everything we do speaks of God. As I write this blog I am listening to Beethoven's 5th piano concerto, this music so complex and sophisticated, yet so beautiful to listen to speaks of a God who made us, to have this capacity to make such music; the computer I am using to type this blog and post it online again speaks of being made in God's image. We are intelligent, creative, self-conscious beings. We have been made in the image of God.

These reflections and meditations bring me such satisfaction when I think of my pursuit of knowing God and having a relationship with him. My pursuits and interests speak of being made in God's image, my ability to learn, adapt, appreciate and create things of intelligent design and sophistication speak of God and in our human race we can know something of what God is like.

One last thought, regarding the implications of these musings: Lucas draws a logical connection between being made in God's image, and the incarnation of God in the person of Jesus Christ. Lucas states:

"A lot of ink has been spilt over the question of what it means to be made in the image of God. I think the simplest way to understand it is that we represent God on earth, that we must be of such a nature that we can reflect something of God in our human personality. This is what makes Incarnation possible, the message of the New Testament that God can become a human being."

Many non-Christians and atheists alike struggle to comprehend how God can become a human being; to Jews and Muslims it is offensive to think of God having a 'son' or 'reducing' himself to human form; to atheists it seems absurd that a person could be at one and the same time a human and a god, with all the powers supposedly attributed to God. But if God has already created us with the capacity to reflect himself in us then being able to incarnate himself in a person, with a physical body and human limitations is possible. As the Bible says "nothing is impossible for God."

And so I come back to the person of Jesus Christ - God incarnate - in my spiritual journey to know God and have a relationship with him. To know Jesus is to know God and to believe in Jesus is to believe in the One who sent him, namely God.

think before you buy

It seems like ages since I last blogged, but now there is something sufficiently on my heart to share! This past week my church has had a 24/7 prayer week. I took a few hours out of my daily routine to go and pray and was struck whilst praying and waiting on God by one thing in particular: how we in the West profit from other peoples' poverty. As I read the material in the church about struggling people, young and old, from around the developing world I couldn't help but feel a sense of injustice and anger that many of the brands and labels we wear or come into contact with every day exploit their employees! Here in the West we live in a 24/7, on demand, whatever we want society. Our diets are not determined by the seasons anymore because we import many of our produce from other countries; some of which even struggle to feed themselves. We want cheap clothes, yet that requires paying people a pittance in order to make a profit from it. There are people working in sweat shops and factories in places like India where even the electricity used to light the factory and power the machines is dangerous and could cause serious injury.

As a history teacher, I was made to reflect on our own industrial past and how for many decades people worked without health and safety regulations; children were exploited for cheap labour, many of whom died. We would no longer tolerate those types of working conditions now, yet we turn a blind eye to it in other parts of the world! I came to realise there is an aweful amount of hypocrisy in our society. So what is the solution? Playing ignorant to the plight and suffering around the world, which we directly benefit from is not an option. It is unacceptable. Yes there are innitiatives such as 'fair trade', which gives farmers and workers a fair price and wage for their work. This should be a basic human right of everyone. But it is only the beginning. Greed is at the heart of the problem. It is the greed of corporations and businesses that charge high prices yet pay unacceptably low wages. Greed is not only a poison, which can infect the human heart, but it is also called idolatry in the Bible. So who do you serve? As Jesus taught, no one can serve two masters; so who do you serve? The most High God and His Son Jesus? Or money and our own greedy desire for an afluent, comfortable existence?

So next time you're in the supermarket or in your favourite clothes shop, just bear in mind will your choices deny others of their rights to a decent wage and living standard? Now I am no saint, and I am no martyr either; these are matters of consciousness that I am still grappling with myself. I feel strongly that it is right to support charities in the work they do to supporting the vulnerable of this world, as well as buying fair trade, but perhaps more needs to be done. Perhaps it is time for us to become more politically active in reaching out to our government to try and make positive changes in the wider international community? Seek God, listen to your conscience and do what is right to prevent injustice and exploitation.

I will be light

As I walk this spiritual path, illuminated by the light of the Gospel, I have become far more conscious about our personal ministry we have as witnesses to our non-Christian colleagues, family and friends. I remember when I first felt called by God to serve him as a teenager; my perception of ministry was that it was something you needed qualifications for, and something you got paid for, even if it wasn’t very much! The curate of my church at the time tried to explain to me that I already had a ministry to my non-Christian friends at school, and even though I thought I had understood him, upon reflection I can see that only now am I beginning to realise the reality of that truth.

Naturally when I was younger I was more naïve to the ways of God and the calling each Christian is given as His witnesses on the earth. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many times you read Scripture, it just doesn’t fully sink in. Yet just recently I have really been burdened for the lost. This burden to see souls saved for the Kingdom of God has led me to such a deeper understanding and insight into my personal ministry as a witness for the Gospel. For the first time in my life I truly feel a joy regarding this ministry. My workplace is my mission field, my colleagues are the people God has given me a heart to reach and I feel genuinely privileged to be in this position.

Jesus taught:

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything…” Matthew 5:13

and:

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." Matthew 5:15

I am to be salt and light in this world. I am to reflect the light of Christ in my life and act as a moral preservative in this spiritually decaying world. The world is in a state of decay: morally and spiritually. There is a moral vacuum left by our secular humanism in this country, which is causing spiritual atrophy and decay. Yet God has called each of His children to be His faithful servants to stem the haemorrhaging that is causing society to bleed to death. In order to do this we need to be connected to God. In order to be salt and light, without fading or losing our preserving power we need to stay connected to God through His Spirit, meditation on His Word and through prayer.

Again Jesus says:

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit…” John 15:5

I have also come to realise how vitally important prayer is. I have never considered myself an intercessor before. Nor have I always been consistent in my prayer life. Too often good intentions have fallen by the way side and my enthusiasm and energy for prayer has waned. Yet I have come to view prayer as a joy; I am glad to pray, because I know that with God nothing is impossible. I know that when I lack wisdom, courage or strength in my witness that God will provide. I have peace of mind that although I may not, by myself, have the power or the means to save anyone, God does! Paul explains in Philippians 4:4-6:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

I do not have to shoulder the responsibility of salvation; I could not possibly carry that burden. God knows this. I just have to be faithful in the task God has given me – to be a witness; a shining light in this world.

Therefore I want to encourage you, if you are a Christian, to rejoice in prayer for the lost, to witness enthusiastically with the wisdom and courage God provides through His Holy Spirit and to seek first God’s Kingdom. As the Jewish musician Matisyahu sings in the title track to his album ‘Light’:

“We have one tiny moment in time for life to shine, to shine, to burn away the darkness, only one tiny moment in time… so I will be light.”

How will you choose to live your life? Will you take up the call to be salt and light, to be an intercessor for this world; for your workplace, family or friends? Or will you coast through life, your spiritual edge blunted by society, your salt lost and your faith dull, tepid and lukewarm? It is a joy and privilege to witness to the Kingdom of God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is our calling, which every Christian has been given. Most importantly it is real. Do you believe that? Do you believe God can use you to make a difference to our society? Have you faith in the God who is greater than the problem? Do not lose hope.

A burden for Mankind

My spirit was greatly troubled last night when I got home from helping out with the youth work I am involved in. Two things primarily perturbed me: firstly - misconstruing the nature of 'domestic' work and secondly, the prevailing attitude that 'real' men cannot be sensitive and caring. I had decided to help with the washing up as there was a lot of toast being made for the young people and they were running out of clean plates. As I stood there, behind the sink, washing up one of the young girls (who had just moved up to secondary school) exclaimed I was washing up "like a woman"; to which I asked, jokingly, whether she meant washing up was a woman's job or that I washed up like a woman? Her reply struck me - that her perception of washing up was that it was a woman's job! I must admit I was mildly saddened by this response, to which some of my colleagues picked up on this and it became a running joke throughout the evening that I was acting like a 'woman'.

The second incident surrounds a young boy, only 10 years old, who enjoys playing violent computer games and watching violent films, whose age rating is much too old for him. He told me he was looking forward to going home and playing one of his particularly violent games before bed, to which I responded sarcastically that it might give him nightmares. This started a conversation about how he had played this game many times before bed before and it had not given him nightmares. Once again I sarcastically, albeit subtlely, suggested that it would give me nightmares. I was not surprised that he failed to recognise my sarcasm, however, he turned to me and said that I must be a 'wuss' as I was much older than he was. This idea jarred with me, because unbeknown to him, he had exhibited the prevelant attitude amongst society that 'manliness' is intrinsically linked to being 'hard' and unfeeling; that it is in someway unbecoming to a man to show sensitivity and to recoil at violence.

So I left with a troubled heart. I left with a sense of sadness of the lack of parental supervision over this young boy, so impressionable and in many ways so vulnerable to dangerous influences. I was also distressed and to a degree angry that my act of servitude had been mocked as women's work. I was not angry because I wanted recognition, but angry because I had wanted to follow in my Saviour's example and be a good role model to these young people. Yet I was left with uncertainty as to whether that message had come across.

On the night of the Last Supper, as Jesus ate the Passover meal with His disciples before His death, he taught them as he washed their feet:

"I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." - John 13:15-17

Again Jesus taught as His two disciples James and John requested they be allowed to sit one to the right and one to the left of Him in Heaven:

"Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 1043-45

This world is consumed in darkness. Statistically one in four women will suffer domestic violence and reportedly one incident of domestic violence is reported to the police every minute! On average two women are killed each week from current or former male partners (statistics from womensaid.org.uk) The ubiquity of Pornography is sickening, and grows at a seemingly exponental rate - as of 2003 there were 1.3 million pornographic websites on the internet and the total revenue for the porn industry in 2006 world wide was $97 billion. Crime rates have soared over the last few decades with only 4 reports out of 1000 of violent crimes in 1951 to 55 out of a 1000 in 2000. The number of men over women being found guilty of crimes is also much higher with 17.1 compared to 3.8 (statistics from statistics.gov.uk/crime). It is also true that girls do better than boys academically in this country. I do not have the time or scope in this blog to conduct a full analysis of these statistics, but at a glance the implications are clear: there is a moral vacuum in this society, which is destroying men from within, whether it is sexual addiction, which objectifies women and degrades them, or violent tendencies that result in domestic abuse and an increase in the crime rate. These deplorable influences are hindering men from creating deep, caring , loving relationships and are callousing our hearts.

Young boys need examples of godly men, men after God's own heart, like King David and most importantly Jesus. It may seem cliched to say the world needs Jesus, but it truly does and I fear for my own sex in particular, that the world with all its demonic influences is corroding our minds and souls like poison! I want to live a life of integrity and faith. To show people, no matter how much I am mocked for it, that there is a truer path, a way of light and of peace for the spirit; that being a caring, compassionate and giving person is not unmanly but rather the better way... for everyone! I want people to recognise the example of Jesus in creating a more caring, selfless and loving society. I truly believe this with all my heart.

Turning vision into reality

Coming off of the back of the Frinton Mission I really felt the desire to continue using whatever gifts God has given me for His glory! Not only have I become involved with the youth work at my Church but I also began to write lyrics in worship to God. I really felt the power of praise and song during the Mission and I decided I wanted to turn my hand to writing lyrics. After giving this desire over to God and asking Him to bless it I found lyrics just flowing from my mind as I typed at my PC. After I had several lyrics written I found myself feeling dissatisfied that they may potentially be left saved in a word document on my computer. So I text a couple of friends who led worship and asked if they would like to meet up and take a look at my lyrics. This was the start.

Soon I believe God gave me a vision for where this process could lead: suddenly from these humble lyrics I was envisioning the entire worship band at Church collaborating on the music to create something special - something that could be sung on a Sunday evening at our contemporary service but also something that could transcend the Church itself. Then I was contacted by a member of the worship band; he wanted to read my lyrics. I met with him and showed him the lyrics. We shared our hopes and dreams regarding the creative direction of the Church and after feeling that we shared a common vision, prayed God's blessing and direction over it. I left the lyrics with him so that he could put some demos together.

This process has only just begun but I am so excited and animated within my spirit to think about how mightily for His Kingdom God could use this music. The goal is to create a creative forum whereby music and lyrics can be shared and collaborated upon with the intention of using in our evening services. To write and play our own music, with God's vision for us as a Church is what we seek to do. Then only God knows where it may lead, but if successful we want to share this music with others.

I have been meditating upon two things recently:
1. Worship is a lifestyle, not a genre
2. God is the visionary, we just have to catch a glimpse of the vision

For with God nothing is impossible and I want to continue to dream big that big things may come of them!