This last week has been quite hard for me. As a part of a new initiative at my school, all teachers graded Satisfactory in their last APR (annual, professional review) will undergo a 12 week programme of observations and guidance in order to become good to outstanding teachers. When I was told I was now on this programme and that my Head of Department would be setting me targets to meet I felt gutted. For the last two years I have trained to become and qualified as a professional teacher. These last two years have been some of the toughest in my life. They have been a period of transition, set backs, recoveries and (very steep) learning curves. But last July I thought I had fully qualified and the days of 'mentoring' were behind me. Alas I was mistaken. And so I left that initial meeting feeling despondant, frustrated and quitely frankly unworthy of being a teacher.
But God has been doing something wonderful through this experience. As I reached out to Him for guidance and strength, as I chose to worship Him despite my feelings, God has been speaking to me: speaking to me about humility, speaking to me about faith and speaking to me about testimony! As I prepared to go into work one morning Jesus' teaching about worrying came to mind. I can only describe it as an epiphany, for at that precise moment I felt the weight of pressure, expectation and fear lift from me. Jesus taught:
"Do not worry about what tomorrow will bring, for each day has enough trouble of its own."
I was instantly uplifted and yet challenged. Was I living by faith through this experience? Where did my hope and strength come from? Last Sunday morning the speaker spoke of 'practical atheism', when believers deny God by their actions. It is one thing to say I am a Christian, but another entirely to live by faith and not by sight; to maintain an integrity of faith even in the hard times. I am in no doubt whatsoever that these next 12 weeks will be hard, trying and pressured. However, through faith I will have the victory. Through faith in the Most High who created the heavens and the stars in the night sky; who created all life on earth and brought salvation to humanity through the crucifixion and resurrection of our blessed Lord Jesus Christ, I will prevail stronger, a better teacher and with a deeper relationship with my God. What a powerful testimony this will bring.
I was also struck as I meditated on the Word of God by the humility Jesus showed as he went to the Cross. Jesus was falsely accused by the Jewish religious authorities, was abandoned by his disciples, even betrayed by one of them! Jesus was mocked and scorned by the Roman guards and crucified by an incensed crowd full of blood lust and anger. Yet despite suffering such public disgrace, torture and humiliation he remained humble, never wavering from His obedience and faith in the Father's Will. As Jesus was nailed to the cross He was even able to pray:
"Father forgive them, for they do not understand what they are doing."
I had certainly not responded to my current circumstances with humility. And I certainly had not lived out Jesus' teaching about forgiveness and love. So I began to pray for my classes that have caused me so many problems and stress this past term. I prayed as the Bible teaches us to, to pray for those who persecute us and to love our enemies. I know I must grow in humility. I know I must live out my faith with integrity, and I know that ultimately it is in times of testing and struggle that our true faith is revealed. But more than this, it is in these times that God can refine our faith by His Holy fire and purify us. It is one thing to know, intellectually, the teachings of the Bible, but a completely different thing to apply them to one's life. It is one thing to memorise the Bible, but another entirely to let it shape our lives, produce in us good fruit of patience, love, kindness, humility, meekness and integrity.
As I continued to read of Jesus' crucifixion it occurred to me that Jesus is still being mocked, rejected and crucified by our society today. Overtly aggressive atheists such as Richard Dawkins wants all religion to be eradicated from the face of the earth, from peoples' psyche both personal and collective. The media and television ridicule Jesus still, with freedom of the press and freedom of speech being exploited to put down Christianity. And people still falsely accuse Jesus of being someone He is not.
Jesus was crucified along with two criminals. One continued to mock Jesus, whilst the other rebuked him and pleaded with Jesus to forgive him. In this age of godlessness, where no one fears God anymore, I believe the Church needs to be like that second criminal speaking out to defend Jesus for who He truly is; not a criminal, but an innocent man; not a danger to society but it's saviour. Interestingly once Jesus had died and hung there lifeless on the cross the people there knew what they had done and went home mourning. One day, when Jesus returns, this society will realise the injustice of their actions and mourn, only it will be too late then! This society needs revival, it needs repentence.
As for me, before Jesus died he cried:
"Father into your hands I commit my spirit."
The Bible teaches us to take up our cross and follow Jesus. Therefore I will make a point of praying every day that I would commit my spirit into God's hands, take up my cross and follow Jesus, not conforming to the pattern of this world.
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