the end of the beginning

As I reflect on this last year I realise that this has been an exceptional year in my life. It has been a year of new beginnings in many respects. As I look to the New Year and all the promise that it holds I am determined to view 2009 not as the beginning of the end but rather the end of the beginning! By that I mean some things have ended in my life this year but so many new things have begun. I am not the same person I was at the start of 2009 and I am determined to embrace the new me!

One area I need to re-evaluate and endeavour to rectify in 2010 is my spiritual life that has come under extraordinary pressure from my work and the lifestyle that my work life has brought. Over these last few weeks my spiritual life has taken a back seat and with the uncertainty of where I will worship next year, I definitely need to get my spiritual focus back.

However, there has been a lot to commend in the life of the new me, a lot I am thankful for and proud of: firstly I am thankful for my job at one of the best secondary schools in the county! Although the responsibility of my work and the reputation I need to uphold and maintain ever looms over my mind, I am so grateful to God and to the school for my position, especially given the economic context of our current recession. My job has also blessed me with more money than I have ever earnt before (as a graduate that's not saying much LOL, but still it's true) and consequently I have been able to afford a new lifestyle, which has included becoming a member of Arsenal football club and going to matches.

Secondly I am proud of the money I raised for the Prostrate Cancer Charity after taking part in the Man of Movember contest. I raised a total of £64! Considering the majority of that money came from my students I think they did brilliantly in being so generous. By taking part in the grow a 'mo' contest I felt it helped build bridges with my students as well as with my colleagues. Although I have to admit I was glad when December came and I could shave it off!

The other thing I am proud of is my ability to adapt and diversify. After my break up with my ex-fiancee I was determined to move on and make positive changes. I believe I have done that, through getting my hair cut, which was a huge symbolic turning point, as well as developing new interests, and rekindling a few old ones! I have become much more active, playing football and tennis as well as becoming a committed Arsenal supporter again. I have also diversified my musical tastes, as well as being more pro-active in expressing myself through prose and poetry: this blog being a prime example of this rejuvinated literary interest. Conversely my literary ambitions extend beyond the realm of internet blogging and I have begun to write a novel. I have attempted to write novels in the past, with no success as I inevitably run out of steam. However, this time I am determined to finish my story and have begun reading more into the genre to help with inspiration.

So looking to the future I know that my hopes and expectations have changed since this time last year; my life is radically different and whilst I am still striving to create the necessary balance in my spiritual life, I believe I will do it and that 2010 is going to be a good year, full of blessing. God has His hand on me, I truly believe that, He has never once let go of me.

"The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, may the name of the Lord be praised". Job 1:21

This was a verse God gave me a few weeks ago and I stand by it and trust in it. God is faithful and my life is His. To understand our place in life and to live in accordance with God's providence. I am going to walk by faith in the new year, by faith that God is for me not against me and in faith that:

"God works for the good of all those who love Him." Romans 8:28

So here's to the end of the beginning!

is marriage and the family in jeopardy?

I teach three year 9 R.E.P. (Religion, Ethics and Philosophy) classes and we have been studying marriage this half term. As I was marking one of my set's assessments it struck me how many of them have a very disillusioned and cynical view of marriage. I know that a lot of students today come from broken homes and therefore do not have good role models or examples of marriage at home, and some of the views just reflected their hormones and immaturity. Nevertheless I find it alarming how pessimistic, disillusioned and angry a lot of these young people are. The issue of the family is another battleground in which the election will be fought next year between Labour and the Conservatives.

The Conservatives want to introduce some sort of tax rebate for newly married couples, whilst Labour condemn this policy as prejudice against co-habiting families or single parent families. However what is apparent is the centrality of the family to the stability and progress of our society in this country. As sex before marriage has ever increasingly become the norm school age girls are now given vaccinations against cervical cancer and there is even a new initiative by the Government to give free contraceptive pills to 16 year old girls in the areas of the country with the highest teenage pregnancy rates.

All this suggests to me that we have a serious problem on our hands here in the UK regarding the place of the family and the morality of marriage and the family. In practically every generation there are moral scares and some people would criticise conservative (with a small c) newspapers etc as being judgemental or merely stirring up a media frenzy. Notwithstanding I cannot help as I observe the attitudes and opinions of my students that the place of marriage and the sanctity of the family is in jeopardy. As this nation has become ever more secular in its philosophy and outlook on life, society has suffered because of it. There seems to be (without being scientific about it) a correlation between our declining faith/church in this country and the increasing social ills present and plaguing this country.

Vandalism, crime, teenage pregnancy, divorce, abortion are all symptoms of an ailing society and these are eroding the moral fabric of society like a cancer. May God have mercy upon this country and may the major political parties take seriously (as the Conservatives say they do) the importance and place of the family to our social wellbeing. I urge my readers to choose wisely and carefully who they vote for next year, because I believe it is imperative we have a Government who will uphold the family not undermine it further. We need to treat these young disenfranchised people with godly compassion and show His love through our actions. We need to pray that the sanctity of marriage and the family is preserved so that future generations of young people will have good, positive role models from which to base their worldviews.

An attempt at poetry

Being in a somewhat reflective and melancholy state of mind this evening, I decided to write a poem and channel some of my mental energy into something at least constructive if not entirely positive. I like to use blank verse and enjambment as I am not necessarily a fan of the traditional rhyming metre when expressing pathos. Whether my poem by my own standards is a success I leave to your judgement:

The Great Siren

If hope is the quintessential human emotion,
then love must be the quintessential human dream.
For some it becomes a reality
While to others it remains a fantasy
Love inspires the very best in human nature
Is the muse of the some of the greatest literary masterpieces
Upholds honesty and truth
Produces selfless heroism
Love nurtures and protects

Yet to those who are not counted privileged to experience it
Is a harsh and unforgiving monster
Cast away its victims are discarded
To seek in vain the scraps from underneath the table
Love is either an angel or a demon
Depending on where cupid’s capricious arrows land
We desire masochistically for love’s approval
To find that personification of love that will make us feel complete
Sometimes we seek all our lives to no avail
For like a siren love eludes and seduces
Only to destroy our lives in its pursuit

Love truly does make fools of us all...

Apocalyptic Visions

No I am not referring here to Ecthirion's debut ep (which is absolutely awesome btw!) but to my scripture reading this morning. I had been contemplating and musing on the idea of writing a blog about the holiness of God inspired by some of my reading of Derek Prince, however as I meditated on my scripture reading this morning I felt it was a very pertinant issue for our times.

The scripture was from Mark 13 and verses 1-13 in which Jesus prophesies what must happen before His second coming. Now I know that there are some Christians who are always seeing the apocalypse in world events and there are others who bury their heads in the sand and pretend it's not happening. I do not intend to fall into either of these extremes with this blog, only to highlight some of my thoughts and meditations on what is a very challenging area of faith.

Firstly Jesus warned not to be deceived by false messiahs (Mark 13:6). Since the birth of Christianity there have been many new religions and cults. Take Islam for example which claims to be the final revelation of the one true God (in Arabic Allah). Then there is Mormonism, which begun in America in the 19th Century, Rastafarianism and Jehova Witnesses. All these more recent cults and religions claim to be believe in the same Judao-Christian God. Yet all these 'revelations' are totally different from one another! How can the same monotheistic God give drastically different messages to so many people? Messages which blatently deny the authority and authenticity of the Bible, God's 'previous' revelation to humankind! Do not be deceived, Jesus has not returned in the form of Haile Selassie, nor will He return as a muslim.

Then Jesus went on to warn of wars and rumours of wars (Mark 13:7&8). Human history is replete with examples of extreme violence, inhumanity against our fellow man and wars. In European history alone there have been several major wars, let alone the factionalism of ancient China & Japan and the many feudal wars both countries experienced. There were the Crusades in the middle ages, the Crimean War and the Boer wars of the 19th Century and of course there were the two World Wars in the 20th Century, the likes of which the world had never seen, or has seen since. When you study world history the scale, atrocity, violence and consequences of war has been escalating all the time. For the latter part of the 20th Century humanity was on the precipice as the nations of America and the USSR fought a nuclear war of brinkmanship. Nuclear annhilation is still a threat, especially with Iran developing its own nuclear arsenal.

Jesus went on to explicate that families would be divided as brother would betray brother and children betray their parents (Mark 13:12). We have seen such heartbreaking, callous betrayel under the regimes of Facism and Communism as the governments sowed seeds of distrust into their populations in their attempt to route out and destroy the 'fifth columns' which threatened to undermine their existence.

Jesus also spoke of famines and natural disasters (Mark 13:8): again human history is full of examples of such suffering and human tragedy. Only a few years ago there was that horrendous tsunami, which devastated the far east, as well as the increasing severity of the hurricanes, which have brought catastrophe to the Carribean and Southern America. It seems that not a week goes by without some new tragedy ruining lives in the developing world being reported in the news.

Jesus described the 'signs' that would precede Him as 'birth pains' (Mark 13:8) and all of the many catalogue of 'signs' can be seen in our history: both long term and modern. What then does this mean? I believe that it means we must be living in the latter days of the end times, for all of Jesus' prophesies have been fulfilled to some degree or another. Roughly 2000 years have passed since He spoke those words and therefore there surely must be less time ahead of us as there is behind us. What must our response be? I believe faith: we must believe that Jesus was speaking the truth and that His prophesies serve to vindicate His divinity and messiahship. This is good news as Jesus died for our sins upon the Cross and we are guaranteed eternal salvation through faith in Him. Halleluyah! However we must also respond in a holy and reverant fear of the almighty God. The Bible teaches that we should work out our salvation through fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). This does not mean we can earn our salvation (that would contradict and negate Jesus' sacrifice), but rather that we must have a right respect for God as creator and judge of humanity. Some people often use the argument of the 'silence of God' as a reason for atheism. But God is not silent. God has given us His holy scriptures as well as prophesies which continue to be fulfilled either partially or in full. Do not be deceived. Believe in Christ and in His word. As a Christian I seek to be diligent and vigilant in being aware of the course of human history and the developments in world events as they will reach a climax eventually. I believe this could be sooner than many people realise.

Search the scriptures, meditate upon them and believe in them and in Jesus whom they reveal. We are now in the season of advent, the build up to Christmas. Christmas is generally a time, religiously speaking, of thinking about the birth of Christ and the new beginning of God's salvation plan. Conversely I want to encourage people not to forget the present state of the world and the near future and judgement, which await it.

The Sovereignty of God

This week has put a lot into perspective for me. Earlier in the week, on Wednesday, I was involved in a car accident. Mercifully there was no one else involved and I was uninjured, however my car has been written off after I lost control taking a corner and hit a wall. Thinking of all the worse case scenarios is just not worth it as the thoughts are just too much to bear. But I realise that it could have been far more fatal for either myself or someone else. With this in mind I am just so thankful that 'it was not my time'. I truly felt that God had protected me from a far worse fate.

These last couple of weeks have been a struggle for me spiritually. I have neglected reading my Bible as I should; and other than fleeting spiritually euphoric, and upbuilding moments, at Church on a Sunday morning my walk with God has been practically non-existent. Yet after wednesday afternoon I was reminded in a very real and graphic way of the sovereignty of almighty God. If I have felt distant from God it is because I have drifted from Him not vice versa. I am so thankful for God's gracious protection over me. I have always believed in the divine providence of God, that God has had a plan and a purpose for my life.

Ever since graduating from university my assumptions about God's will for my life have been tested and continually re-evaluated. I am now in a profession that I had no desire to enter into whilst studying at university, conversely I believed when all other doors were closed to me that this was God's provision, and that through this experience God was going to teach and grow me for His future purposes. It has been a hard road and a difficult lesson to learn; one I have not always been receptive too or enthusiastic to embrace, and exacerbated by my split with my ex-fiancee. Despite my desire to pursue the ways of God selflessly and joyfully, too many times my ego or selfish ambition has got the better of me. But I have not quit, nor given up because I still hold to the belief that this is a necessary season in my life.

I know that I didn't necessarily deserve to be saved after neglecting my creator for so long, yet the awesome love of God is such that He preserved my life. Again I am in no doubt as to God's divine providence at work again. I am still single and still in a profession I am not 100% comfortable in nevertheless I desire to meet these challenges and trials in life with joy in the knowledge that God is with me, guiding me and has my best interests at heart. What else can I do for the being who gave His only begotten Son for my sins so that I may be reconciled to Him again and have new life? It's the very least I can do to give my life for my creator and saviour. As Jesus says:

"All who wish to save their lives will lose it, but all those who lose their life for my sake and the sake of the Gospel shall save it." (Matthew 16:25)

I do not pretend to know the mind of God, nor comprehend all His ways. But comprehension is not a prerequisite of obedience and faith. I know my God is with me and for me! Maybe my life will get even harder, I cannot say (nor do I want to predict at this moment) but I do know that God is working out His purposes in my life. Rejoicing in the face of difficulty, suffering and stress is extremely hard. Yet there is a certain peace in the knowledge that there is a higher power in control of my destiny and that this higher power is made accessible through the person and sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Therefore I look to the cross and the Lord Jesus as my example and say:

"not my will but yours be done." (Luke 22:42)

Jesus was perfected through suffering (Hebrews 2:10) and as a follower of Jesus I am not exempt from suffering. Indeed the early apostles and disciples counted it an honour to suffer for the name of Jesus and to share in their saviour's sufferings. This is the path of the Christian. It is through suffering that God forges in His children His character as He did in Jesus. I know this intellectually but I now need to know this in my spirit, so that I may have that inner strength, peace and serenity to persevere. I am just thankful to be alive and praise God for all that I have in life.

Tour of the Emirates Stadium

Yesterday I went on a tour of Arsenal's Emirates Stadium in Islington, North London. The tour was tremendous value, taking you through parts of the stadium that would have been ordinarily off limits to the majority of fans. As an Arsenal fan it was a thrilling and very enjoyable experience, one I will not forget for a long time to come! Unfortunately in one respect the weather was very miserable, but I was determined not to let the strong winds and raging rain dampen my spirits, and indeed the Stadium still l00ked magnificently impressive despite the poor weather! (Note this explains why I look a little dishevelled and windswept in some of the pictures. Oh and the reason I have a moustache is because I am taking part in the man of movember charity event, raising money for prostrate cancer)


The Stadium dominates the landscape as you step out of Arsenal tube station. The Stadium is literally a stones throw away and immediately catches your eye as you walk out of the station. As you approach the stadium the first thing you are confronted with on the outside are the huge logos, the Arsenal badge proudly positioned in the centre with some of Arsenal's most legendary players either side of it, with the club's motto written in Latin underneath it: 'Victory through harmony'.

The stadium is a very imposing, grand and magnificent piece of architecture as evidenced from this photo.

Carrying on around the outside of the building, before you enter in, there are two cannons originally from the Woolich munitions factory where the club had its humble beginnings. One of the cannons is facing west, the other east. The directions of the cannons are very symbolic to the club. The cannon facing west represents remembering the club's past, its origins in Woolich, its time at Highbury and the ethos and spirit with which the club has always played with. The cannon facing east represents the future, and the club's continual pursuit of excellence and the hope of future successes.

The tour started in the Diamond club entrance; in the lobby there is a bronze bust of Arsene Wenger in front of a marble wall with the Arsenal badge etched into it. It is just a taster of what is to come later in the tour, as you progress around the stadium and instantly sends the message of excellence and pride the club takes in itself: its football and its successes. Indeed the entire stadium (and museum located opposite) is a celebration of the club's past, successes, and footballing philosophy.

The first place they take you on the tour is the directors' lounge, a wonderfully rich and lavish room with leather seats and marble bars either end of the room. At the front of the lounge are large windows with which you get a panoramic view of the pitch. As soon as you look out the windows you are awe struck by how spectacular the ground truly is (it was a real wow moment for me). Glass doors open out into the directors' box where they sit to watch the matches. The stadium has a maximum capacity of 60,000 people (roughly the size of my home town!). One of the things I was most impressed with was the layout and design of the grounds. Judging from where I was in the directors' box it looked to me that from where ever you are seated in the grounds you would get a good view of the pitch. The architects and designers of the stadium had obviously thought very thoroughly about this and it is a real credit to them. The entire building has been very intelligently designed.

After seeing the directors' area you are taken to the car park where the away teams would disembark and enter into the stadium before the match. At this player entrance the first thing you are confronted with is a huge red wall again with the Arsenal badge and underneath the slogan 'the deeper foundations the stronger the fortress'. The tour guide explained this has been very deliberately built there so that no away team could mistake where they have travelled to and no mistaking the calibre and pedigree of Arsenal. As I said the entire stadium is a celebration of the club.

Just in front of the entrance wall, in the floor, is a timecapsule buried with objects, former players shirts, socks etc from the old Highbury stadium/era. The club take real pride in its heritage, past and origins. As you walk around the entrance wall on your way to the locker rooms there are several pictures/photographs of legendary Arsenal players. Along this 'avenue of remembrance' is a montage of the 2003/4 season when the team went undefeated in all of their 49 matches! If I remember correctly the tour guide said this was the first time a team had gone unbeaten in 115 years and therefore no other premier league team had a montage like that one. Arsenal truly are a unique football club.

The next couple of locations were perhaps the most exciting of the entire tour: the players locker room and going through the tunnel onto pitch side where the manager, coaches and substitutes seats are. The locker room was designed by Arsene Wenger himself for optimal impact. The room is in a horseshoe shape so that Arsene can address the entire team from the front of the horseshoe. The ceiling is acoustically padded so that no sound escapes, meaning he never has to raise his voice unnecessarily. The players sit in the positions they play on the pitch: the goalkeeper sits closest to the shower room, at Wenger's right hand side, with the defenders next to him. In the centre is where the captain sits (a tradition started by Tierre Henry), and to Wenger's left the strikers. The locker room is apparently much larger than Highbury's at Wenger's insistance. It was one of the best moments of the tour when I got to sit in the captain's seat, in front of a replica Fabregas shirt.

It was then off through the tunnel onto the pitch. As I walked up with the tunnel I felt a tremendous sense of excitment, it was exhilerating to think this is where players from every premiership club, not just Arsenal, walk out onto the pitch. I was literally walking in the footsteps of these talented and very famous players. I decided to capture it on video rather than just photograph.

After walking out next to the pitch my imaginati0n and attention immediately was drawn to the manager's seat. Next to sitting at the captain's seat in the locker room this was the joint highlight of the tour for me. I indulged in a little fantasy of pretending I was the manager (as did every other Arsenal fan who took their photo sitting in the chair!). It was really fun just to think how it would feel sitting here during a match watching, observing the game and then getting up onto the side line and giving the players direction and advice. It was a very special moment in what was a very special day.

The last stop on the tour was the media conference room, where Arsene Wenger addresses the press after matches. It was interesting to see where these important post match conferences take place. The room feels like a cinema or a lecture theatre with tierred rows of chairs. If I remember correctly I believe the tour guide said it had the capacity to sit 150 people in. Again I made the most of the obvious photo opportunity and had my picture taken sitting behind the desk. It was a fun way to end the tour, which had been informative and awe-inspiring.

The whole experience left me feeling extremely proud to be an Arsenal supporter, I came away having learnt new things about this most excellent and beloved team as well as a re-invigorated imagination and appreciation for the club. It was a great day out and I hope one day to actually go again to the stadium to see a match and experience the atmosphere of thousands of fellow Arsenal fans.

The beautiful things in life: Love

Arguably the thing that makes life meaningful the most is love. Conversely love means many things to different people and so therefore I want to use the Greek variations of the concept of love to make it absolutely clear what I am talking about in this blog. The forms of love I want to concentrate on in this blog is Storge & Philia. The elements of love these words define are paternal love and brotherly love: love between families and friends.

I was in a long term relationship until early this year with my ex-fiancee; we had been together four years. Now I am single again and therefore my experience of love has changed. My views on relationships hasn't changed, I still hope to find the right person for me sometime soon, however in picking up the pieces of my life I have had to re-evaluate some of my relationships with my family members and friends. It is often said that a parent's love is 'unconditional' and I am eternally grateful and thankful that I have had the love and support of my parents through what has been a very difficult, and emotional, experience.

In many ways it breaks my heart to think there are children in the world who suffer at the hands of their parents or wider family, the very people who should love and support them the most. We are all of us precious: life is precious and therefore we all deserve the love, commitment, compassion and empathy of our family. Knowing there are many people out there who are not as fortunate as myself in coming from a loving home, I will never fail to value and appreciate the love my parents have shown me. When I have felt rejected and lonely, they have been there. Truly without their love and support I don't know how I would have coped with these past several months. When sometimes you struggle to find meaning in your life, I don't have to look further than the relationship I share with my parents.

Friendships are also important too. I have been blessed throughout my life to have had true, honest, real and loyal friends; friends who have kept in contact with me and spent time with me. Again having been forced to re-evaluate some of these relationships I am determined more than ever to value and respect my friendships, and although my relationship will always be different with my friends to that certain somebody whom I will form that most special of relationships with, nevertheless life would be far more meaningless if we didn't have friends to share it and live it with.

God created us to be social (as well as sexual) beings. In Genesis it says that:

"God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone." Genesis 2:18

God made Eve to be Adam's wife and companion. Life would break down if we were incapable of forming relationships and it is something that makes us who we are as human beings, to be able to sympathise with, love and show warmth and compassion towards other people. The world would be a nightmarishly terrible place if there was not love. Love brings out the best in human beings, it is the highest virtue and the purest emotion. God Himself is love and it says elsewhere in the Bible that:

"No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." 1 John 4:12

Now the love which is spoken of here in this verse is the very purest form of love there is, of Agape in the Greek, and a subject of a completely separate blog in its own right. I want to share my thoughts on this particular expression of love another time. Notwithstanding my point is, is that God is love and therefore love must be the highest virtue of human nature that we are capable of expressing. Therefore love, in all its expressions and nuances makes life worth living, makes life more beautiful and so much more meaningful. I thank God that He is love and that we can know love, feel love and give love.