Reflections on my first year in teaching

Well my NQT year, my first full year in teaching, is finally over! It has been a year of failure and successes, thankfully not quite in equal measure I am happy to say. Yet it has been a year of intense professional, as well as in many ways personal, growth and challenge. I have been humbled on more than one occassion and have risen like a phoenix on more than one occassion also. From having to re-evaluate how I organise my time and the way I teach particular areas of our syllbus, to learning how to cope with criticism and respond positively to it. This year has not been exactly easy; but it has been character developing.

I have learnt, sometimes the hard way, that in order to teach at the highest level expected of me that it will take years of experience and reflection on myself. However, I end the year on a very positive note: with the work done collaboratively in our department to rework our schemes of work and the criteria for our assessments in line with the new national curriculum for Key Stage 3 I am very excited about rolling out our new KS3 portfollios with the new year 7s in September. I am also looking forward to being a part of redesigning and decorating our department displays outside our classrooms as well. Working at TTC it is truly an innovative and creative department and professional environment; one I am very thankful and proud to be a part of. I have modestly given to my department and contributed to the aforementioned changes but next year I want to be an even more effective member of the team. I have also been grateful for the times and occassions I have spent socially with my colleagues, getting to know them and being able to share my faith with them.

As far as my personal life goes, this year has taught me that I need to trust in God even with the little things. Whilst I have faultered from time to time, generally speaking, the challenge of this year has brought me closer to God with the recognition that it is in His strength and not my own in which I will accomplish all things. I have sought to walk closer with my God because only He knows the end from the beginning. When there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel I had to trust in God that He would guide me through the difficult times and I rejoice that He never left me in the midst of my uncertainties! Positively, joining my new church at Frinton has been very beneficial to my faith, having the stability of that spiritual environment and atmosphere as well as the fellowship of my house group.

So here I sit, typing at my PC with a sense of excitment and hope in the year ahead, going into my second year of teaching. I am looking forward to relaxing and recharging my batteries during the holiday and hope to make the fullest use of my free time. I know I must temper any sense of expectancy with realism because hopes can be dashed and dreams unfulfilled. My second year will still be very hard and badly behaved classes bring all sorts of difficulties and challenges to your work, but nevertheless I don't want to lose that energy and enthusiasm to want to improve myself professionally and do my very best next year to remain positive.

As far as my personal life goes I must continue to trust and hope in God too. Whether I am still single this time next year I cannot say, only God knows that. As of now I can't see myself finding anyone soon, despite my good intentions and openness to initiate friendships. I will also have to make some decisions regarding how I spend my free time and my hobbies. For the last couple of months I have wanted to take up Ju-Jitsu, which I know is a martial art and therefore not the typical past time of a Christian. I have really enjoyed and appreciated going to the gym and keeping fit and growing stonger and feel that it would be good to channel some of that new energy into another sporting pursuit. Martial arts, like going to the gym, suit my current lifestyle as I can do them without needing a training partner. Moreover, with the grappling elements to Ju-Jitsu it is also the closest thing to wrestling, which I still enjoy watching from time to time. Conversely, I am still not decided whether I will actually take it up or not. Ultimately my faith and spirituality must come before secular past times. I have sought to get a balance in my life this year, keeping a healthy body, mind and spirit. But I do not want to turn that desire and pursuit into compartmentalising my life and faith into boxes. God deserves all of me and I do not want to neglect my faith if I cannot maintain that balance by going to Ju-Jitsu. So it will take further consideration.

Taking everything into consideration and wishing to remain positive about the year ahead I think of the Impending Doom lyrics: "How do I find what I seek? Where does your glory and I meet? This is where I begin!"

Mortification: 20 years in the underground

2010 celebrates 20 years of quite an extraordinary band: Mortification. Mortification came to prominence in both Christian and secular metal scenes in the early '90s with their first few death metal albums, most notably their seminal sophomore album 'Scrolls of the Megiloth'. The beast which is Mortification was birthed in 1990 by bassist/vocalist Steve Rowe after his previous band Light Force disbanded. Not content to let his musical creativity fade away, Steve reformed the band. But it soon became clear by pursuing a much heavier direction that this was a completely different animal and thus a new name was necessary. Mortification was the epitome of all that the band stood for both lyrically and musically as an extreme Christian metal band. The band's third album, and my personal favourite to date, 'Post Momentary Affliction' saw the band progress into more experimental realms of metal, whilst still retaining their death metal roots. Post Momentary Affliction provided a watershed that saw the band embark on a musical journey, never remaining content to reproduce the same album twice. Evolution has been an integral part of Mortification ever since.

The band's longevity is remarkable, especially when the personal circumstances surrounding the founding member (and only original member left) Steve Rowe. Steve suffered from two bouts of particularly aggressive cancer in the mid '90s, both occassions proving potentially fatal, which has since left him as a partial paraplegic. Yet miraculously God protected him and despite his disability has continued to write and play new music. Conversely despite overcoming ill health Mortification have spent the best part of their 20 year long career as an independent, underground band. Sadly for the band after their contract expired with influential metal record label Nuclear Blast after their fourth album 'Blood World' they were never able to resign to another label with quite the same exposure. Financial limitations notwithstanding, as well as numerous line up changes, Steve perservered and Mortitication survived. For the last 10 years the band has enjoyed more stability through the inclusion of and talent of lead guitarist Mick Jelinic.

Since Mortification's last full length album was released in 2009, Steve has been concentrating his creative energy into a Christian Rock band he has formed with former Mortification guitarist Lincoln Bowen called WonRowe Vision. WonRowe Vision are set to release their debut album later this year and Steve has expressed his desire to keep Mortification an exclusively extreme metal band, returning to the band's old skool death metal roots. This will be enthusiastically welcomed, no doubt, by many long time Mortification fans and indeed I myself am very happy about Steve's decision regarding the artistic and musical direction of Mortification's future releases.

As Steve's musical and creative energy seems to know no end, I am positive Mortification will continue to make music for several years to come, refusing to become extinct like so many other bands before them. Mortification's legacy to Christian metal is unquestionable. Steve Rowe's convictions and his dedication to playing Christ centred extreme music has been unwavering for the past 20 years and the eminence and popularity that Christian metal now enjoys as one of the largest growing sub-genres of metal is in no small terms influenced by Mortification, especially of the impact of their early death metal albums. Many a lesser band would have succumbed to the harsh world of the music industry and disbanded long before reaching such a monumental milestone as 20 years. This is what makes Mortification such an intriguing and genuinely sincere musical experience. As a Christian Mortification's music has been both inspirational and motivational in my walk of faith. It is a band I am positively grateful for.

For more information about Mortification visit http://www.roweproductions.com/
To buy Mortification music legitimately from their official webstore visit http://www.soundmass.com/

world cup woes

In my mind I had dreams of being able to write a blog celebrating the success (even relative success) of the England team in this year's world cup from South Africa. Sadly, reality has dictated that now I am writing about a premature exit to what was a very disappointing campaign.

From a frustratingly mediocre start to a pitifully souless exit, the England team have ripped out the hearts of their fans and shattered the hopes and dreams of a nation. A proud footballing nation. A nation who boasts one of the, if not the best football league in the world. Well done lads! The prospects of getting to a respectful place in the world cup always looked bleak after barely managing to qualify from the group stages, but nevertheless losing to Germany is the most bitter pill to swallow. Where was the heart, the passion, the desire? It's a criticism that's been levelled at our top footballers for a long time that they are overpaid and prima donnas but in some respects I think its been proven to be true in South Africa. I understand sport envokes very strong emotions in people and players alike, sometimes positive and unfortunately sometimes negatively too, but as professionals who do this for a living you would expect them to be able to control those emotions and play regardless of despondancy or frustration. But England played without any real fire or soul today and if playing against your arch rivals in a knock out game is not incentive enough then nothing will be. Simple. The squad Fabio Capello chose are not good enough to play for their country, whatever success they have had at club level.

This is the most frustrating and sad thing is that once again the loyal and passionate fans suffer. We have been let down by a side who looked as if they'd never played football before, who were too easily intimidated and had no self belief in their ability. Capello must go. There is no way he can justify his position as manager as his tactics were proven to come far short of what was needed to defeat even the most humble of world cup sides. '66? We should start forgetting about those glory days because they are very far from the present reality, and look very far from future realities at the moment also. Obviously it is hard to predict how the next generation of international footballers will fair in the three lions shirt, but seeming as it's been over forty years since we won the world cup last I don't hold out much hope.

Rooney was a non-entity in this campaign, he might as well have been left at home. John Terry looked a million miles away for the majority of the tournament from being the world class defender that captained Chelsea to Premier League glory and many other of Fabio's selection were dubious. It was pathetic.


And thus concludes another world cup England performance and hopefully this will be the curtain call for the veterans of our squad. Their time is past and they need to pass on the torch because there is no way we can win another international tournament with them at the helm.

So attention turns back to domestic football and the new Premier League season in August. I much prefer club football as more often than not it's where these players potentials are realised and besides Arsenal have a far better chance of winning the League than England winning the World Cup! We love you Arsenal, we do!!!

The purpose of humanity

Firstly, I apologise if this blog doesn't read as coherently as some of my others, I have been meditating and reflecting recently upon the meaning and purpose of humanity. I have recently read two very stimulating and spiritually and intellectually invigorating books by Antony Flew and Francis Collins. Both discuss the various classical philosophical arguments for the existence of God, as well as the implications of modern scientific discoveries and developments to the question of the existence of God. This blog, and my thoughts in it, are very much in an embryonic form (in a philosophical sense).

As I read and assimilated the information and arguments it struck me that the most important question in life is the existence of God. If God exists and has created the universe and all life within it, then naturally...and I would say logically, learning about this Creator God would be the most pressing concern of all humanity. To dismiss this question is to dismiss the potential purpose of all humankind. It is to dismiss the objective meaning to our lives. Some people seek the answer to this question and do not find God. Conversely, I believe it is a question that cannot be ignored. The implications are too great.

If one finds that God exists then logically the quest and search for which God or what type of God this divine essence and superior mind is follows. Richard Swindburne, Professor of the Philosophy of the Christian Religion at the University of Oxford states in his book 'The Existence of God' about the plausibility of the existence of God:

"Furthermore, if some actual or postulated entity other than God is to provide a complete (or ultimate) explanation...it needs to have added to it (in the case of a person) specific powers, beliefs, and intentions, or (in the case of inanimate substance) specific powers and liabilities to exercise them. We need both the 'what' causes, and the 'why' it causes. The advantage of theism is that the mere existence of God provides most of that extra 'why'."

What Swinburne is saying is that the hypothesis that God exists explains why the universe exists not just how it came to exist. All other current scientific theories to explain the origin of life (multi-universes etc) have failed to justify how these other causes are a simpler explanation than God. When evaluating the plausibility of the existence or non-existence of God the simpler the hypothesis, the more plausible it is. God is a simpler answer than the current scientific speculation by the very virtue of His nature: because He is God and therefore Spirit He is eternal and infinite, requiring no beginning and no primary cause. As God He is an agent, who acts intentionally not coincidentally or accidently; but purposefully. Thus the existence of the universe and the origin of life are not arbitrary or accidental but deliberate and purposeful. How can consciousness come from unconsciousness? Nothing creates nothing. We are sentient beings thus an intelligent designer is a far more plausible and simpler explantion for the origin of life.

Given therefore that the plausibility of there being a creator God is extremely high, it follows that knowing God has to be the next most pressing concern. Knowing this God is the ultimate purpose of life. Once we have discovered, by way of deductive and inductive reasoning and Revelation who this God is then pursuing a life in connection to and communication with God is the ultimate meaning of life. That is the conclusion I have come to in my recent studies and meditations. It is this purpose and meaning to my life that I will endeavour to pursue and grow in. Life is a journey. That journey can be physical and literal, emotional, intellectual or spiritual. I believe that the journey of faith and of the discovery in the character and nature of God is a neverceasing pursuit. To be close to God, to walk in His presence and to connect with His divinity is ongoing. I hope that I never stand still in this journey. To be a godly person is the highest calling of humanity.

I hope to further consolidate, assimilate and learn the deeper truths and spiritual revelations of this journey of faith and the goal of achieving the ultimate meaning to life as time goes by. Maybe in the future I will write with some further meditations and thoughts, which hopefully by then will have germinated and grown into a more fully developed worldview and personal philosophy.

book review: There is a God

I thought I would do something different for this blog, instead of my usual musings and reflections on the current state of affairs in my life. I have recently finished a very insightful and fascinating book by a world renowned former atheist Antony Flew.

For those of you unfamiliar with Antony Flew he was an academic philosopher and professor at various universities including Oxford, Aberdeen, Keele and Reading. He wrote several academic theses and books including, arguably his most famous, 'God and Philosophy'. Flew became an atheist at age 15, while still at school and later went on to study at Oxford. However, after a lifetime of triumphing atheism he renounced his atheism in favour of theism.

In his book 'There is a God' Flew narrates his journey from atheism to theism. As a young boy his father took them on holiday to Germany where he witnessed first hand the cruelty of the Nazi regime. In the face of such evil Flew became disillusioned with the concept of God. In his book Flew admits that even as an atheist in his adult life he came to realise he had become an atheist for the wrong reasons but by then his academic study had strengthed his convictions so fervently that he knew despite the means he arrived at it, atheism was correct. Throughout his book Flew speaks plainly and openly about the integrity of the intellectual and academic principles he lived his life by; namely the Socratic principle to follow the argument wherever it leads. This principle shaped and reshaped many of his atheist beliefs and eventually led him to theism. Reading his journey of transformation I was struck by his honesty and how highly he spoke of the theist philosophers whom challenged his atheism through critques of his work or public academic debates. He speaks very highly of people such as CS Lewis, William Lane Craig, David Conway & Richard Swinburne.

Essentially, as Flew explains, he came to the conclusion that theism is a better explanation for the existence of the universe through the break throughs and groundbreaking new discoveries made in science: the evidence in support of the Big Bang, DNA & RNA sequencing, the laws of nature and the fine tuning argument. As Flew considered this new scientific data about human genes and genetic coding, as well as the properties of the universe, he reached a very theological conclusion based on a reconsideration of classical philosophical arguments for the existence of God such as the argument for design and the cosmological argument. Having followed the Socratic principle to always pursue the argument wherever the evidence led he finally came to believe that atheism could not sufficiently explain the origins of life.

In the second part of his book, where he details his journey to belief and acceptance in theism, Flew gives a wonderful overview of the insights and beliefs of Einstein. He explains how often Einstein is popularly portrayed as an atheist but conversely the opposite was true. Whilst it is true that Einstein did not believe in a personal God, such as has revealed himself to the Abrahamic faiths he nevertheless believed in a transcendent, "superior mind" who had created the universe and was beyond all comprehension. Flew is also critical of some of the more famous modern atheists such as Richard Dawkins for his conclusions and condemnation of theism.

Although at the time of writing Flew did not adhere to any of the major monotheistic religions he concludes his book by saying:

"Where do I go from here? In the first place, I am entirely open to learning more about the divine Reality...second, the question of whether the Divine has revealed itself to human nature remains a valid topic of discussion. You cannot limit the possibilities of omnipotence except to produce the logically impossible."

Despite his faith coming purely from reason, now having come to a faith in an intelligent, creator God Flew cannot deny the possibility that this same being could reveal himself to humanity. I find this conclusion to be incredibly profound, as I have said before to my friends that if God exists you cannot rule out the possibility of His communicating with humanity. To say otherwise would be to try and limit God and in Flew's words "produce the logically impossible". Moreover, Flew concedes:

"As I have said more than once, no other religion enjoys anything like the combination of a charismatic figure like Jesus and a first-class intellectual like St Paul. If you're wanting omnipotence to set up a religion, it seems to me this is the one to beat!"

Whilst not (at the time of writing) a Christian, Flew could see that Christianity is the most likely of all the major monotheistic religions to be true. This is high praise indeed from a former atheist.

While some of the academic language Flew uses in his discussion and summary of the major philosophical and scientific work that led him to theism was slightly over my head, not being as familiar as he with the academic debates, this was a thoroughly fascinating and rewarding read. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is prepared to tackle these issues and topics. Flew speaks honestly and frankly about his journey as well as offering many accessible analogies for the lay readers such as myself. As a Christian my faith was reinforced by the power and persuasion of the classical philosophical arguments for the existence of God as well as how modern science is producing many new theists.

Straight Edge

I have chosen to identify myself as a straight edge Christian. What does that mean? Well firstly for any Christians who are unfamiliar with straight edge reading this I have not joined some cult, neither does my identifying myself with straight edge mean I am committing idolatry in some way or shape.

Straight Edge is a lifestyle that I have come to respect and as it closely parallels my own in so many ways I have taken the easy step in associating myself with it. Straight Edge is a drug, alcohol and cigarette free lifestyle. The lifestyle originally started in the early 1980s hardcore music scene in America. Young people with a passion for heavy music began to see the folly in the licentious, decadent and hedonistic drug and alcohol fuelled lifestyle of the hardcore music scene and decided to make a stand. They chose, as the symbol of their new lifestyle, the black X, which they wore upon their hands. This symbol was an ironic inversion of the mark used to stamp people too young to buy alcohol in America.

Over the decades of the late 20th century Straight Edge for some has also come to involve abstaining from casual sex and vegetarianism. This is not a requisite for all straight edge followers but many whilst having pre-marital sex only do so within a committed relationship between two straight edgers whereby the emphasis is on love.

Like many subcultures Straight Edge has spread to other spheres and not just its association with the hardcore music scene. For example one prominent straight edge figure currently is the WWE wrestler CM Punk, who professes a straight edge lifestyle and is currently the leader of a wrestling faction called the straight edge society, where he frequently evangelises to the audience.

Although many of the values professed within Straight Edge are akin to those found in many religions Straight Edge itself is not a religious movement. Adherents to the straight edge lifestyle do not need to be religious and in fact many straight edgers are against religion, taking a rather Marxist line that religion acts like a drug to its followers as the - "the opium of the masses". Again, however, this aspect of straight edge is personal to the individual and not a requisite of the lifestyle.

However, as a Christian metalhead I have seen and respected the many similarities I have with the straight edge lifestyle and despite the grievances that some straight edgers may have, in wishing straight edge to remain an entirely secular affair I believe it is not incompatible with my faith. The fact that this movement has so many Christian like values in it is something to be commended. The fact that many young people today follow a straight edge lifestyle of their own free will and volition and not because of any religious upbringing is to be admired and respected. That is why I see no conflict in being a Christian and choosing to associate yourself with Straight Edge.

Obviously, my admiration and respect for the straight edge lifestyle should in no way come before my faith in God, but as a Christian whose own values so closely mirror those of the straight edge lifestyle I don't see that will be the case. On the other hand there is one potential vice/sin that all straight edgers are vulnerable to and that is pride. I must make sure that I never become prideful for choosing a clean lifestyle. It is not a sin to drink alcohol or even smoke. I must never confuse the values of the two. I do not condemn any Christian or secular person for drinking or smoking, however I believe it is healthier not to. This is a personal decision I have made for my life.

pretty soon I don't know what but something is going to happen

Well this weekend has been if anything eventful to a point. On friday evening I cut one of my knuckles quite badly whilst washing up! I went to the minor injuries unit at my local hospital and it was checked for glass and then bandaged up. It seemed to be the way of things in my life at the moment. Recently I have been feeling much more positive about my current circumstances - meeting regularly with my new church group and reading my Bible on a daily basis definitely helped. However it's amazing how the little things in life ebb away at you. For example two of my favourite past times at the moment have been quite frustrating: Arsenal need to at least draw (though preferrably win) their final game of the season to secure third place. The last month has been incredibly disappointing for Arsenal as we've drawn once and lost four times in our last 5 games! Secondly I have been frustrated by the lacklustre performances and sub-par booking of TNA wrestling just recently too. The company could be huge but instead are wasting their talent and countless opportunities to make a big impression on the wrestling landscape. Minor points in one's life of course but coupled with other little things make for very exasperating times.

I have been coping with work much better the last few weeks. This has come in large part because of a decision I made regarding my future in teaching as well as disciplining myself to work between my gym commitments. I have really enjoyed going to the gym this past month or so. Not only do I feel fitter and stronger but it is a channel to release tension and frustration built up by the stress of my job and/or life. Unfortunately due to my injury on my knuckle I cannot go to the gym for at least a week as I am unable to grip anything properly with my right hand. The cut is terribly inconvenient both to my work and extra-curricular activities. It is amazing how much we take for granted when fully able. If nothing else this experience has given me more humility regarding my dexterity and full use of my hands.

This morning at church we had a sermon on God's provision and how God provides. The passage was from Philippians chapter 4, an account from Paul of his gratitude to the Philippians' generosity and gifts to him as well as his 'contentment' in the various circumstances he finds his life in. It was a very apt and relevant message for myself who sometimes does struggle with 'the cards I've been dealt with' to borrow a phrase from another sermon series from my church. Paul discovered how to be content in life through his faith in the power of Jesus Christ and the provision of God. This week as I have to learn to cope with going about my daily life with my right hand bandaged up, not being able to actively carry out my extra-curricular activities and living with my current circumstances: I must put my faith in my provider above; the Most High. God has graciously been sustaining me throughout my career thus far, despite the many hard times, steep learning curves, disappointments and personal & emotional difficulties I have gone through. I have not always asked for this life but I trust my God that He will supply everything I need.

God doesn't treat us like spoilt children who only have to cynically and manipulatively throw a tantrum and get what they want. God disciplines His children; those He loves. This past week I have been meditating on a couple of passages from scripture: "seek first the Kingdom of God and all shall be added unto you" and "lean not on your own understanding but trust in God". God does provide but we must learn to first place our trust in Him to do what is best by us as well as to put our lives into the appropriate perspective and context of His Kingdom, which is bigger than any single individual. My prayer and meditation this week is that I shall learn to be content with what I have and where I am in my life currently.

As for my relationships; it has been a year since I broke up with my ex fiancee. There are days when I feel being single is the best thing for me at the moment and other days when I long for a companion to love and be loved by. I continually give this over to God and continue to believe "God works for the good of all those who love Him." Whether it is His will I marry or find someone soon I cannot say. All I can do is trust that if it is in His will I have to be patient for that person will be worth waiting for.

Pretty soon, I don't know what, but something is going to happen...